The Dumbest Thing I Ever Read

You’ve all read The Surprsie Attack of Jabba the Puppett, right? You know how Mike’s mom felt about Star Wars.

Well this guy is like Mike’s mom times ten! It just makes me laugh how he thinks Star Wars is evil. I won’t reblog it, but I will copy and paste his argument, with annotations. Get ready to laugh.

Dear Heathens,

Ok, before we start, let’s define heathen.

A heathen is someone who does not believe in God. It does not mean savage, although you can take offense anyway. Since it does not mean savage, just someone who doesn’t believe in god, we can classify Christians, Mormons, Muslims and Jews as non-heathens. So is he assuming we’re all atheists or Hindus or something? Offense taken.

How many of you have watched and enjoyed the evil Star Wars films created by Satanic producer George Lucas? These films are RIDDLED with sin! We must keep our children away from these evil works of Satanic reverie. We must save our children’s eyes for Christ and their souls for Jesus.

Sinners, are these the droids you’re looking for?

It is clear that R2B2 and C3P0 are barely veiled attempts by Lucas to smuggle homosexual imagery into his films. R2B2 and C3P0 are actually gay, homosexual, heathen lovers!! Listen to them bicker. Listen to C3P0 whine like a jilted lover in the Jawamobile about how R2B2 is always messing up, only to rescue him for more gay robot love at the last moment when Luke, an abomination to the Biblical name “Luke”, comes to buy him.

Gay? Them? How? You spelled the names wrong, too, by the way. C-3PO does not whine like a jilted lover. R2-D2 does not mess Threepio up at all. I can’t defend my argument any better than wondering how in the world these droids seem like a gay couple. You need concrete evidence. Next.

The Jedi nonsense is also an abomination to Christ. The “force” is portrayed as the one true religion, and bears a stark similarity to the heathen religions of buddhism and hindoism.  The Jedi Way also bears a striking resemblance to the heathen ways of the Japanese Samurai. Master and apprentice. APprentice learns from master. One with the “force”.  A way of battle. A Jedi Code.  These Jedi are an attempt by Lucas to glorify a heathen way of life.

Again, typos. Ugh. It is not the one true religion, it is not even a religion at all, and it is not portrayed as such. There are heathen religions in Star Wars, like the B’omarr Order and the Weequay religion. Similarities to Buddhism? So what? Samurai is not a heathen way. A heathen way is a religion, not a code of honor. Apprentice learns from master. Are those not just words for student and teacher? They do not glorify the heathen way. An indvidual Jedi does not abandon his religion on becoming a Jedi. The Force is not a god, it is a force of nature. Maybe a Jedi would believe that the force is the power of the god he worships. Next.

What else do we learn form Satan Wars (the PROPER name for Lucas’ Star Wars movies)?  We learn that evil is the true way to power! The dark Jedi, the Sith, are the powerful ones in the film, and the Pope, who bears a striking resemblance to Emperor Benedict the 16th, is the leader of evil. Clearly the Sith order is an allegorical reference to the Catholic Church. Don’t believe me? Look at the evidence!!

I can’t get this picture to work (except in mobile), but just because Palpatine looks like the Pope (oh, they both have wrinkles, they must be twins or something!) doesn’t mean it is an affront of the Catholic church. In fact Benedict XVI was made pope AFTER ROTJ!

Note the drastic, drastic similarities!

Oh, the similarities! What similarities? Oh, those do look like stormtroopers… wait, I’m looking at their boots.

Catholic Cardinals:

Imperial royal guard:

Isn’t it strange that the guards of the evil Emperor on star wars look exactly like the personal confidants/assistants to the Pope, the Cardinals?  The evil empire on starwars is clearly the same thing as the evil Roman Catholic Church. And what do we learn from Star Wars? By following Papism, one becomes strong. However, at least at the end of the third film, the papists are exterminated when the last death star is destroyed. However, rather than being replaced with True Christians, they are replaced with heathen savagery.

Oh, they do look exactly like cardinals. Cardinals wear menacing visor helmets and carry Force pikes. Are you kidding? The only similarity is the color. Red. And Imperial red is actually Republic red. The Empire adopted it when the Republic became the Empire and twisted its symbolic meaning. Red is only evil because the Empire makes it so. And I’m sick of this “heathen” stuff. If you mean the Ewoks, no, they didn’t make a new government. The rest of the galaxy did. The Ewoks are heathens, but not the New Republic. And heathens are not savages. They can be, but not always. Case in point with the Buddhist religion and Hinduism.

By the way, that guy became the pope twenty-five years AFTER Return of the Jedi. What do you say now?

Star Wars also promotes bestiality, as demonstrated by the “Twi Lek” dancing girls in the film. People actually go to see a half naked alien girl dancing around. This is creepy, sinful stuff! This is the type of imagery that Star Wars promotes:

This guy just looked for the worst picture he could find that wasn’t even in the movie. And you’ll note that it is the BAD guys doing this. Jabba is not on the good side.

For those with more “human” tastes, consider this image, with a human slave girl chained to a gigantic space worm. This shows that George Lucas was into kinky, kinky stuff.

That’s just the last one, and again, bad guys doing it. Leia, the slave chained to Jabba, is being held against her will. She doesn’t want to wear that.


This space worm may in fact be a reference to Mark 9:47-48:

  And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire:
 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

This woman, then, is chained to a demonic agent of sin as described by Mark in the Bible.  And what about this abomination?

Before I get to Jar Jar, I’m going to ask this one question: do you honestly think George is PROMOTING slavery with this? Do you think Leia signed up for this? Do you think she actually likes it? Remember that Jabba is a VILLAIN here.

Now, it shows Jar Jar here.  can’t get this picture to work, so here’s one I found.

Look at that boys and girls…we finally found it! The crocko-space-duck! The first non-pokemon evidence of evolution ever produced by the evilutionists!!! Sadly, this was created in a Hollywood basement, much like Piltdown Man was created in the basement of a sinner.    Sinful, sinful stuff.

We didn’t evolve from monkeys. We didn’t go through Neanderthal stage. Lucy never existed. That doesn’t mean that evolution isn’t real! There were GIANTS in the Bible. Not evolution? We also lived longer. Not evolution? Science and the Bible are not incompatible, just because science makes mistakes. Throw out the mistakes! Duh! and, crocko-space duck? Dude, he’s just a weird looking, sentient amphibian. No duck, no crock, no frog even. I don’t even know where “crocko” comes from. He just looks a bit like a duck. He’s mostly just a… I don’t even know. Let’s just call him what he is: an Otolla Gungan. Not a duckman or whatever.

Not only that, but Star Wars can also be demonstrated to be responsible for an increase in witchcraft in America. It is a proven fact that Star Wars pre-dates the rise in popularity of Wicca in America, thus showing that the pagan principles in Star Wars led to the growth of Wicca. What happened last time we had a population of witches in America? We burned them. In Salem. In the 1600s. And that solved a lot of problem. We must expunge these modern day witches from American society as well. Not with violence, but by silencing them, rehabilitating them, and leading them toward Christ.

Increase of witchcraft? The Force is not “magic”. It’s completely different and it doesn’t even exist. There were no witches in the 1600s. Just prejudice. Modern witches are either fake, or they really are in league with Satan, and have nothing to do with the Force. The Wiccans have nothing to do with the Force.

And look at this. Oafy-Wan showing himself like God to Moses in the Star Wars movie.

Picture of Obi-Wan’s ghost on Dagobah.

Clearly another affront to Christ on the part of Lucas.

This has nothing to do with Christianity. The Force is not a religion, the Force isn’t real, Star Wars is not real, so Obi-Wan can’t be affronting Christ, because there is no Obi-Wan. George Lucas is not allegorizing anything about Christianity.

Star Wars has been shown to support evolution, homosexuality, pedophilism, gun violence, violence in general, hatred, rape, murder, torture, bullying at schools, bestiality, and thoughts critical of religion, and should be removed from our cinemas and our homes. Lucas was once a Christian, but was led astray by an affiliation with Mormon heathens. Lucas has become an agent of the anti-Christ, and his works must be avoided.

Mormons are Christians. They believe in God. So they are not heathens. Offense taken!

And you named a bunch of stuff that you didn’t even mention. Bullying at school? Where? How does it promote that? And the BAD guys are doing the BAD stuff like torture and hatred. Yeah, sometimes a good guy cuts the bad guy in half. In the Bible, there were tons of people, who were righteous, who killed someone else to allow the Work to move forward. Star Wars is not critical of religion, either. George Lucas isn’t an anti-Christ, he’s just a liberal. (Bad joke)

Lucas even mocks the virgin birth of Christ by claiming that Anakin Skywalker is born to a virgin mother.  In Star Wars, Anakin, the figure Lucas bases on Jesus, turns to the “dark side”, joins the Catholic Church (the Empire), and ultimately dies in its service. The One True Christ, however, would always reject the ways of the Catholics and their self-serving indulgence selling idol worshipping habits. Do not be misled by Lucas. Accept the TRUE Jesus.

The virgin birth might be symbolic. Everything else about Anakin? No. Does a writer have to make a character an all-out allegory? It restricts the story. Thus Anakin is free to turn to the dark side if Lucas so chooses. Anakin is not based on Jesus. Since I’m not Catholic, I agree with the statement about Jesus not accepting Catholicism, minus the offensive things you also said, but that’s just me, a non-Catholic. Catholics are free to believe that Jesus would have been a Catholic, or was or whatever.

P.S. At least Lucas got one thing right. He made the Muslim heathens out to look as ridiculous and uncivilized as they are. Check out what Muslims look like in Star Wars:

Now THAT’S a terrorist if I’ve ever seen one!

Muslims are not heathens or uncivilized. Offense taken! Tusken Raiders are not modeled after Muslims either. Actually in Star Wars: Kenobi, a book about Obi-Wan on Tatooine, they are based on Native Americans, since the guy wanted the story to have a Western feel. He goes in depth and shows that the Tuskens are not the monsters they seem.

I think I’ve defended star Wars well enough. Now, my friends, tell me that is not the funniest, stupidest thing you have ever read.


21 thoughts on “The Dumbest Thing I Ever Read

  1. As for what the guy said about the Tusekn Raiders representing Muslim terrorists: 1) Most Muslims don’t believe in terrorism. I don’t get why so many people judge every Muslim just because of a few (compared to all Muslims) Muslims from the Middle East. 2) George Lucas couldn’t have based them on Muslim extremists, because the original trilogy came out before 9/11, when people started thinking that all Muslims were terrorists.

  2. well I guess this guy is stupid. if anything star wars is an analogy for good and evil. Heck, the force is another analogy for “The Holy Ghost”, God’s invisible force that he uses to control his creation.

  3. I’m no goat but that Muslim joke was baaaaaaad.

    I am Christian though. I see where he is coming from, but I MUST disagree. Entertainment and something to watch when bored are what SW falls under

    What’s next, Prosecution:The idiot that made this

    Defense: telescopes

    Accused crime: “Trying to spy on the heavens when we are not aupposed to.”

    But why didn’t he say something about Star Trek if intergalactic adventures in SW were so evil? Hmmmmm.

    • What is THIS guy’s religion? Oh, and here’s his HILARIOUS< NON_ SATIRE site:
      Get this- it's targeted at athiests! 😆 He has "questions athiests can't answer"! Like "If we evolved from monkeys why are they still around?" 😆 I don't believe we evolved from monkeys, and I'm not an atheist, but I can answer that one! IF we evolved from monkeys, which we didn't, it was one KIND of monkey. Duh.

  4. ALL Moromons believe in God, his son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. I’m pretty sure it’s the same for Catholics. Do you ever think these guys do this just to make fun of the people who think it is satanic. Next thing you know, LEGO will be satanic because it makes kids think that they are as powerful as Gods.

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